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Age / Gender:
27, Male
Location:
Austin, TX
Joined:
8/28/03
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They came for the dinosaurs, and I did not speak out, because I was not a dinosaur. They came for the giant robots, and I did not speak out, because I was not a giant robot. They came for the nerds. And I was screwed.

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Community Stats
Level 60 Programmer
Gold Whistle
Ranked as Sgt. First Class

Latest Audio Submissions

R-Bitron Radio: S01E08 Storytelling Podcast
R-Bitron Radio: S01E07 Storytelling Podcast
R-Bitron Radio: S01E06 Storytelling Podcast
R-Bitron Radio: S01E05 Storytelling Podcast

Latest News



Citing an unwillingness to delay the inevitable, president Obama announced today that he would order the commencement of the first stages of the Apocalypse during the remainder of his time in office.


“Did the same populace that elected me really just vote in some rich asshole? What the fuck... Seriously, I’m going to have to reevaluate my life here. Just between us though, I uh... voted for Gary J, 'cause I was hoping to get me a little Mary J, if you know what I’m saying.” said President Obama during a press conference following the election.


“We... uh, were really fucked either way though, so in order to ensure a smooth transition of power, I’m just gonna start fucking shit up in advance.”


Shortly thereafter, he returned to his office to play Minesweeper as he spends all of his time when not making YouTube videos and appearing on talk shows.


Obama’s next action will be to publish the nuclear launch codes. Their release was already expected, either through an unsecured e-mail server or an ill-advised 3 a.m. tweet. Obama claims the codes will be made public sometime before the end of the month. In order to use them, simply go into the bathroom with the lights out. While standing in front of the mirror, think of the country you want to nuke and whisper the launch codes three times.


Next, Obama plans to announce which religion got it right. At that point, worthy Klingons will be brought to Sto’Vo’Kor for eternal battle and feasting, and the rest of us will endure the torments of earth. Possible activities will include dodging fire and brimstone raining from the sky, inescapably loud Cockney music resounding the world over, and dealing with the simple fact that your fellow countrymen decided to elect the equivalent of a baked potato for president.


Presently, authorities are recommending Americans begin sealing themselves in their backyard bunkers with enough food to sustain a small colony for the next millennium and enough friends and family to prevent inbreeding for at least a week. Many families are also bringing along their Bernie Sanders blow-up dolls to stroke fondly as they fantasize about what could have been.
 


Recent Game Medals

SECRET MEDAL 5 Points Unlock this medal to see it's details. Medal Stats.
You are a lucky one 25 Points Survive 5 seconds on hard mode Medal Stats.
My doge can do it better 10 Points Survive 60 seconds on easy mode Medal Stats.
Do you think this is a game? 5 Points Survive 17 seconds on easy mode Medal Stats.
I did it 5 Points Finish a game Medal Stats.
Big spender 10 Points Spend over 1000's of money Medal Stats.
SECRET MEDAL 5 Points Unlock this medal to see it's details. Medal Stats.
Politically Adept 5 Points You know most of the stuff! Medal Stats.
TB 10 Points 01101110 01101111 00100000 00110100 01101011 00100000 00110010 00110100 00110000 01100110 01110000 01110011 00100000 00110010 00101111 00110001 00110000 Medal Stats.
Shocking! 10 Points Looks like you got the axe! Ha! Medal Stats.


Total Medals Earned: 1,928 (From 364 different games.)

Latest Shared Creations

big white lady Added to skins for Skincraft Jun 11, 2011. Load Level