Citing a terrible job market, Richard Keagle, once a highly paid philosopher for a number of tech companies, has resorted to contemplating the meaning of Mars Co.'s popular brand of bite-sized candies. Whether his thoughts actually amount to anything is as yet unclear, but the trained philosopher continues on unabated.

"These skittles... why are they round? Or, more rather, not square? Was there an ulterior motive to the small ridge that encircles each tasty snack?" He postulated for close to an hour, gingerly holding the little treats as if they were diamonds or relics from an ancient tomb. "Maybe... maybe they were meant to be spheres, but at the last moment someone changed the design. What about the economics of different shapes? Would one cost less, then surely that would be the desired model."

Without a job for nearly 6 months, Keagle, desperate to think deeply about even the simplest of things, stumbled upon the candy aisle while considering various brands of toilet paper at his local supermarket. After a prolonged debate over which flavor to choose, he finally settled with a pack of Tropical Skittles.

"Tropical flavors, huh? Are they really from the tropics? Who decides what is tropical? Do these skittles or their flavors have a say in whether they are from equatorial latitudes? I didn't have a say. I'm not sure these would precisely fit the tropical flavor model. Coastal rainforest, yes, but outright tropical is a bit presumptuous."

After emptying the pack onto his kitchen table, Richard organized them first in the order they came out of the package, then by color, those with S's on top or bottom, perceived roundness, and finally by if they fell asleep when read short stories.

"At first glance, one would believe that skittles cannot, in fact, fall asleep. I have very nearly proven this notion wrong," claims the wise man thoughtfully, motioning towards a row of potentially sleepy skittles. "Just as this green one here was slipping off, I accidentally nudged the table ever so slightly as I moved in for a better look. This awoke him from his stupor."

"If skittles are actually living creatures, are we breaking deeply rooted moral standards by eating handfuls of them at a time? Where do we, as civilized human beings, draw the line?"

Nearly two weeks after purchasing the skittles, Keagle has come no closer to finding out the truth behind the tiny treats. He reportedly came close to fitting all the pieces together after finding a yellow one that had rolled under his couch, but still has a ways to go before his theories are complete.

"I thought to myself, boy, it's strange that that skittle rolled all the way under there without me intentionally putting him there. Was there something I was supposed to find? I remember some years ago a yellow M&M fell from my grasp before nestling itself in a corner. Are these two insignificant events part of some overlying structure of universal governance? I would not hesitate to contact others in the field and bring this potential discovery to their attention."

Taras Lunev, a recently laid off GM seer, predicts that Richard will not have a job until he abandons his silly voodoo beliefs and tries to get a real job.